His wife died just before we started dating, and I still think he jumped into dating too quickly. So both of us have been on our own for awhile, and we're used to sleeping alone.
Me, personally, I would have been gone long ago-when someone is in my life they are all the way in and I don't share. Well being called the deceased wife's name during intimacy is a "wee bit" of a turn-off.He seems to have sought out the relationship for companionship purposes, so he doesn't feel the need for things to change. and it is your responsibility to communicate this to him clearly.I like the idea of using a letter, because guys tend to get scared if a woman starts the conversation with "Let's talk" (or some other variation).I feel like I'm in limbo and I've forgotten how "normal" relationships usually progress. If I was in your position, I would copy everything you wrote here, paste it into a document, and leave the letter somewhere where you know it will be found by your boyfriend. Men are socialized to avoid emotions, and grief is uncomfortable even when dealt with in a completely healthy manner.Just guessing here, but here's my analysis: I think it's pretty clear that this guy didn't take time out to go through the process of grief. I'm not the least bit surprised that he sought out companionship as soon as he could. If I had to guess, I would say that he is getting his needs met by your relationship.
I'm losing the motivation to work on the "sleeping together" thing, but I don't know if this is normal for someone at my age/life stage or not. Either he doesnt want anything serious or he isnt over his wife. Sometimes people who have lost a loved one don't take the time to grieve and remember.